I can sum up dating in one word:
Waiting.
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| How will I know if someone texts me on this thing? Sigh. |
Waiting for him to ask for my number.
Waiting for him to use it.
Waiting for him to ask me out on a date.
Waiting for him to confirm said date.
Waiting for him to pick me up for said date. (I’m so punctual that I’m the type who’s ready 15 minutes early, so I’m sitting there tapping my fingers and triple checking my eye makeup. I’m cool like that.)
Waiting for him to kiss me (if said date was fun).
Waiting for him to ask me out again (if said kiss was good).
I have never been good at waiting. It’s very distracting and it can make me snippy. (My ex-husband can attest to this.) And the worst part is that waiting to be hunted can make me insecure. For example:
- Why hasn’t he texted me back? Did I reply too quickly? Should I have ditched that last winky smiley?
- It’s been three days and he still hasn’t asked me out yet. Is he seeing someone else too? Did I come on too strong? Is my hair too frizzy?
- He said he’d get in touch today. It’s 8:00 p.m. Is he bored of me already?
Contrary to how this might come across, I really do love dating when I’m actually on a date or talking directly to a guy (and by talking I mean texting because it’s 2014 and no one talks anymore). But as a woman, even a pretty assertive woman like me, I have to disregard my own nature to go after what I want and make plans.
That said, I’m not one to play games. When a guy does throw me a bone (no pun intended), I’m ready and willing to show him if I’m interested. But I do know I have to at least try to let the man hunt me. And that crap is annoying!
(And, yes, I’m waiting to be hunted as I write this. Andrew, the guy I went out with last Sunday and again on Friday, is supposed to get back to me about making plans for tomorrow. UGH!)
So what do you think, dear readers? When it comes to dating, are we women the ones doing all the waiting, or do men feel like this for men as well? Is it old fashioned that I (try to) let the men come to me?
Whether it seems old fashioned or not, my experiences have also been that men like the chase. It's all such a crazy game, this dating nonsense. Show enough interest, but not too much or that's not attractive. And that goes both ways. As an assertive woman, I know how frustrating waiting is. I'm like, we're all adults here, I like you, you like me...let's get on with it!
ReplyDeleteGood question...I am married, but I think when I dated, I probably hunted more but let the man think he was hunting me with my craftyness.
ReplyDeleteOhhh that sounds good to me! I need to be more crafty!
ReplyDeleteYes, exactly! It's silly, but it's just the way things are.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both Susan and Traci -- let them think they're doing the chasing, and you'll both be satisfied.
ReplyDeleteThat's a trick I need to learn! I don't think I'm very good at that.
ReplyDeleteI was clued in on this quite early out when I started dating the boyfriend. Yes, we acknowledged that most women like to be 'chased' and some men like to be the ones doing the chasing... but there are times when a guy wants to feel desired or pursued as well.
ReplyDeleteIf I wasn't into a guy I didn't pursue him and, if a guy pursued me and I wasn't into him, I tried to be upfront with him that "it was nice to meet you and have a drink but I don't think you're what I'm looking for".
I see nothing wrong with saying "hey, I'm into you and want to see more of you but you don't seem willing to fit me into your life/schedule. What's up with that?"
Yup, I'm good at being upfront. I'm just so surprised -- and disappointed -- at how many men don't have the courage or courtesy to do the same. If he's interested, show me, and if he's not, say ANYTHING and I'll get the picture.
ReplyDeleteDammit, did my comment not go through?? Rats. Well the short of it is that I love dating related posts. I'm fascinated by the current dating scene, I guess since I haven't had to do it in years. Is it still mostly men getting drunk and approaching women while trying to appear not drunk?
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, not really. I actually don't get approached in bars/drunk settings that often. It's a lot of online dating and meeting through friends. I hate how prevalent texting is. Like it's seriously shocking if a guy actually CALLS you. Like uses his voice!
ReplyDeleteI actually stopped dating completely about six months ago, preferring to enjoy my own company. What was more exhausting to me was the idea of having to re-explain myself to yet *another* person and have to remember all the crap about them, too. When I was going on two or three first dates a week, it was like "oh god, not another one."
ReplyDeleteIt was also exhausting to dress up too, and have to pick out an outfit that was cute, and blah. I just wanted to skip ahead to the part where we were cool to wear sweatpants and watch Netflix every night.
And the waiting, the self-loathing, the caring what this person thought of me. Too much. Yay single life!
As a guy, I can definitely relate to the waiting. I ask myself similar questions all the time. Why hasn't she replied to my text? Am I too keen? Am I being creepy? Is it too soon to ask for her number? Did I screw up?
ReplyDeleteI hate waiting just as much. If a girl texts me or e-mails me, I don't play games with her, I reply straight away or as soon as I can. If the girl wants to play games and make me wait for a reply, it's infuriating, it doesn't make me want her more.
What's even worse is hitting it off with a girl, texting her for another date and never getting a reply. Then getting blocked on tinder without a word.
We are all adults. We should be able to contact each other and say hey, you seem cool, how about we hang out? And then get an honest answer yes or no, not waiting around for days, and that's if they reply at all. I don't wait around any more, I move on to someone who does reply.
Bottom line is, forget the games and treat people how you want to be treated - if you're waiting for him to get in touch, make the first move! (Guys love that.) If you're not into it, have the decency to say so. I know it's trite, but communication is ALWAYS the key - no matter what you're looking for out of a relationship.
Not having a go at you, Kat - I'm just saying it definitely goes both ways when it comes to the waiting.
ReplyDeleteHi Zane -- Thanks for sharing your perspective! Totally agree -- we are all adults. If we like each other, great. If we don't, say something, anything, to let the other person know.
ReplyDeleteIn my most recent case of waiting, I did finally text him to ask if he still wanted to get together that night (so I I was following up on his suggestion to get together). He didn't even reply! So that meant I repeatedly checked my phone, waiting for an acceptance or rejection. That's the rudest of all! I didn't even *get* a proper rejection!
I must say though... I'm a little relieved that men also feel this frustrating feeling that comes from the silly waiting game.
I couldn't agree more. I understand that men need to chase and that excites them, but I just find it annoying. Can we all just admit 'I like you and I want to date you' rather than pretend that we might (just might) be interested in that other person. I am also impatient and this whole 'dance' drives me mad!
ReplyDeleteOh btw, I love this quote: 'The silly reality is that men really do like the chase. Just like the cavemen, men today still love to hunt, only now they hunt in urban jungles to fill their iPhones with contacts. Meanwhile, women like me are stuck waiting for these men to get off their supposedly evolved butts and use those phone numbers that they have hunted for.'
ReplyDeleteIt is so silly that both sides must do their respective dances. Bah!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're enjoying dating yourself -- the most reliable company of all! You know exactly what the experience will be and you know who's paying. ;)
ReplyDelete