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| I feel like this, but I don't look as cute. |
It’s not often that I feel embarrassed, and I’m embarrassed now.
In fact, I almost didn’t write this blog entry and I even considered deleting
last week’s entry (that must be against some blogging law).
But, I share everything with you, my beloved readers, from my finest characteristics to my sometimes questionable taste in sexual partners. Hell, you even know that I stopped grooming so I'd find me a boyfriend. I've never held back before, why start now?
So, on with the story about John, the guy about whom I wrote lovely things last week.
Last Tuesday, I’d had a terrible day and was feeling kind of
sorry for myself. I was going to head to my usual Spinning class, but John and
I were texting anyway so… I boldly asked if he would like to meet for happy hour.
He said yes. My mood brightened immediately. We spent almost three hours
together, talking about everything from work to dating to 80s movies. He told
me where he wanted to take me to dinner after my trip to Viriginia (I was going
to visit my brother and run the George Washington Parkway Classic). I insisted
on paying the bill since I invited him out. He was surprised and appreciative. Again, it was great being with him.
In the parking lot, we said goodbye, and then we start
kissing. Then the kissing got more intense. Then he had me leaning against my
car. Hands were wandering (but not TOO wandering). This went on for probably 15
minutes. You guys, it was HOT. And I was so excited because this is the guy who
was concerned about being “too square” for me – this was not square at all!
I drove home smiling. I had intelligent, quality
conversation with a cute guy and then got just a bit inappropriately touchy
feely in the parking lot. YES. This is what I want in a boyfriend!
Wednesday comes and I don’t hear anything. I texted him
after book club to show him the dessert I made (he has a big sweet tooth). Half
an hour later he responded saying “nice!”
Then, the feeling kicked in… you know, that feeling.
On Friday, I texted him to say hello from my Washington DC-bound bus. He took awhile to reply. So, I went for it:
Me: I hate to do this over text but is everything ok?
Him: Had a rough end of work week, it’s a long story but have to figure some things out, driving to my parents’ now to talk things thru
Me: I’m sorry to hear that. I hope everyone is ok. If you want to talk, give me a call – I owe you after all the listening you did on Tuesday!
Today is Tuesday, a week since I last saw John. I still have not heard from him and I
certainly can’t contact him now. When he didn’t even wish me good luck for my
race (running is how we reconnected), I was like, SHIT. I’m so confused! And damn, my ego hurts something fierce.
Did our parking lot makeout session ignite a Madonna-whore
complex? Did something really happen to him last week or was he just blowing me off?
Did the lack of chase turn him away? He is turning into a ghost?!
My feelings are hurt and that sucks. I truly didn’t expect
this blow off to happen -- again!! -- and furthermore I'm totally irritated that it bothers me this
much. I thought John contacting me was a sign that we might finally get our
chance to date. I feel stupid that I was so hopeful, and after only two dates.
I feel embarrassed by my premature optimism and his completely mysterious rejection. He
knows (knew?) me enough to know how much this kind of treatment would bother
me. And he is doing it anyway.
(To make matters worse, I am finding myself wanting to go
back to unemotional, just for the hookup arrangements. I totally know why – it’s
my desire to protect my heart while chasing a Batteries Not Required orgasm. I haven’t given in to those urges… yet.)
When was the last time the dating rug was pulled out from under you?
