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| I only want to use you for Incredible Sex! |
It’s possible for someone to be a hookup buddy only (for example, the 26-Year-Old and I have been hooking up off and on for a year with no emotional fallout whatsoever). In November and December, I thought that Jason could handle us just screwing, but I’m realizing that he can’t. He keeps getting attached. I know it, so I should stop talking to him, but moreover, stop having sex with him.
In the past few weeks, he has asked me out to dinner, if there’s any chance of us getting back together, etc. I have said clearly and firmly, that no, there is no chance.
One night, Jason confessed to me that he has considered trying to just fully change himself to be the guy he thought I wanted. I looked him in the eye and told him he should never, ever do that, not for me or anyone else. He would end up hating me (or whoever), and he should be true to himself.
“I hope this doesn’t sound too weird,” I said quietly, “but I know you would be a wonderful boyfriend. I’m not the right person for you and you’re not the right person for me, but that girl is out there for you.”
He knows I’ve been dating. In fact, during my brief stint dating John, I told Jason I was starting to see someone so no more nookie, as per our agreement. But what did I do the night that John dumped me? I texted Jason. Because I'm an asshole!
I don’t let Jason sleep over. We don’t really cuddle post-sex. We don't kiss hello or goodbye.
So yes, my words are (mostly) clear. But I keep having Incredible Sex with him. That is confusing for Jason (even though it shouldn’t be…right?).
I know Jason is confusing sex with emotion,
and I’m such an asshole that I don’t care.
and I’m such an asshole that I don’t care.
Wow. That really stings to see in print.
Jason texts me asking to come over and about 50% of the time I say yes. He still texts me that I’m beautiful. Hell, last weekend I had what I was calling a date with my four-year-old nephew (we saw "The Nut Job" and got dinner at Friendly’s), and Jason texted me asking if I would ask my nephew for tips – “Tell him I keep trying to land a date with his aunt.”
Sigh.
(I must point out that for all that he wants to date me, Jason continues to be very self-centered and needy for attention, so he only talks and thinks about himself. Not sure where I fit in to that equation. He never asks me about me. Like ever. He doesn’t ask me about work, my friends, my writing, my half marathon training, my Uggs, nothing.)
So why am I being such an asshole?
Yes, I went three years without sex (I know, right?! NEVER AGAIN), and the years before that I hardly had any sex then either. But my relationship with Max has been over since September 2012. Jason and I have been having Incredible Sex off and on for almost six months now. I think that my “I was so sexually starved!” excuse that was once so very valid is expiring.
Have you been an asshole and you knew it? or have you been on the receiving end of someone being a repeated asshole to you?
See also: 8 Reasons Divorced Sex Is So Much Better Than Married Sex
See also: 8 Reasons Divorced Sex Is So Much Better Than Married Sex
I've been an asshole I don't know how many times. I don't know if anyone was getting emotionally attached to me but I do know there were a few that wanted sex with me and I flat out refused countless times. I had no interest or I knew they weren't right for me (be it sexually or emotionally). Plus, I didn't want to add notches to the bedpost and rack up a long list of men I'd slept with. Nothing wrong with it, just not for me.
ReplyDeleteAs for being on the receiving? Oh lawdy. Yes. Too many times to count and I cringe just thinking about it. Ugh.
When I first started dating post-divorce I hooked up with a guy one time and then he would constantly text me after the fact to ask "when are we going to do that again? It was so great, etc.". I flat out said "that's not going to happen again" but he'd continue to pester me (because it was only mediocre sex IMO). I eventually stopped replying to the texts and he went away. Any "booty call" texts I received I would refuse.
ReplyDeleteI guess we've all been guilty of being rude to others.
ReplyDeleteThat's so lame! Men can really be shameless in their pursuit of sex.
ReplyDeleteUmm, wait, so can I. Whoops.
For what it's worth, I don't think you're being an asshole. You're conducting yourself in an ethical manner (not leading him on) and continuing to get what you want out of the situation. You are not responsible for him and how he conducts himself. If you want to break if off to keep from feeling guilty, that's one thing. But I don't think you have anything to feel guilty for. As long as you conduct yourself with truth and respect for Jason, hop on and have that Incredible Sex!
ReplyDeleteHere's my thinking.... Why do you need to make an excuse for being a sexual being? Men don't.
ReplyDeleteI would go on and on about it, but that about sums it up.
I just found you on the blog hop and can't wait to read more (this is a fascinating and fun blog!) Hoping you'll stop by and say hi sometime! I don't figure I'm quite as interesting! wanderlust-wishlist.blogspot.com
Thanks Rachel. I don't think I'm leading him on, but sometimes I wonder if I might be. We're all guilty of seeing things the way we want them to be. There's a new guy who's caught my eye though... so all the more reason to stop letting Jason distract me!
ReplyDeleteI'm fine with being a sexual being, my concern is messing with this guy's feelings (even if he is kind of a self-centered prick). Otherwise, I'm loving that I've reawakened my sexual side, which has gone all but dormant due to my relationship with my ex-husband. Hooray!
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely check out your blog, and I'm so happy to have you following my story.
Take the time you need! It took me awhile before I was ready for being with a guy in any way. You'll start going out and dating and having sex when you're ready. No need to rush. :)
ReplyDelete