Divorced White Female Seeks Dating Practice From Single Male With Pulse

I was looking through my closet and I realized something tragic: I have some really cute date clothes and NO DATES. This is not OK, you guys. There was one thing for me to do: I signed up for OKCupid, a free online dating site because I’m cheap and not committed to finding a relationship. I snooped the site back in June to see what was out there.

(OK, wait, I kind of lied just then. I actually created an OKCupid profile a month ago. I got about five messages in the first hour, freaked out, and deactivated it. So really I just reactivated my account.)

Signing up for OKCupid so I can wear cute clothes

I figure the timing is perfect for me to try online dating because I don’t care what happens. I’m not looking for a father for my unborn children or husband or boyfriend. I’m not even looking for a second date! My goals with online dating are:

1. I want to practice meeting new guys. I’m a really honest and kind of blunt person, which is cool when you already like me, but it might be a bit much when you first meet me. So, yeah, I could use practice talking to dudes. Pretty much anyone. Murderers, bigots, and zombies are not invited.
2. I want to wear cute outfits for men who might actually appreciate them, unlike a certain ex-husband of mine.

That’s it. I’ve set the bar nice and low for myself!

Attempting conversation via OKCupid

I’ve been OKCupid for two weeks. I get a fair amount of messages, but a lot of them aren’t super local. If I were looking for a boyfriend I would be open to meeting someone a little farther from where I live, but I’m not. I want EASY. Basically I don’t want to have to do any work that sounds annoying, which definitely means travel. Filling out my profile met my maximum work exertion at this stage of the dating game.

I am kind of shocked at how lazy/gross people are. Do something to spark up some conversation or indicate what about my profile piqued your interest. Here are some examples of flops I didn’t reply to:

• hello.
• Hi. How are you doing today? Just a simple note to spark a conversation. I hope you send a note after checking me out. 
• How are you doing?
• Hi. I think you are super sexy. And I would love to be your friend.

Or, my personal favorite came from a shirtless 26 year old:
you have a great smile and gorgeous eyes! I'm in your town visiting friends! Let's text or kik message if you're up for some flirting ;) 

Here's the guy:

Classy screen name, buddy! Yes, the profile picture was hot. Yes, I was tempted for a quarter of a second to reply. Then I realized I wasn't in the mood to contract an STD, so I ignored him.

I have contacted just a few men, and I have really tried to get some conversation going by picking something out of his profile and asking a question. Here is what I’ve written:

• Congrats on your first book getting published! What is it about?
• Hi there! I admit it: the fact that you're a good cook intrigues me! I also totally appreciate wanting to surround yourself with positive, upbeat people.
  How has the weekend been treating you? Do anything fun?
• I must agree, the EZ Pass is pretty awesome. I have family in NJ and DC, and I praise the EZ Pass everytime I make the drive!
  I have an important question for you. Which Back to the Future flick is your favorite? Has it stayed consistent over the last 20 (!!!) years?

Feel free to tell me if I’ve been grossly offensive or boring with these messages, because my success rate on getting responses has been ZERO. It's fine though; you never know what might be a turnoff for the other person. Maybe it’s that I'm 5'5" or that I go to Kelly Clarkson concerts or that I have a master’s degree. I admit it, I've discovered my own silly turnoffs as I peruse profiles, such as guys who abuse or neglect punctuation, never drink, play golf or tennis (or worse -- both!), or are 5’7” or shorter. Fine, fine, call me superficial. But aren’t we all?

But there have been two guys who initiated nice, normal conversation, asked me to meet, and I said yes. EASY. So let’s get to the good stuff: dates! Or as I call the first meetings, non-dates!

Non-dating and non-caring

My first non-date was with Scott. He is 10 years older than me, divorced with three kids. (Not ideal, but again, I’m just practicing so who cares.) We met for a beer and chatted continuously for an hour and a half. It was a perfectly pleasant experience and we have not spoken since.

My second non-date was with David. He is my age, never married, no kids. We met for a beer and had good conversation for – you guessed it – an hour and a half. We sat by the water on a gorgeous night and chatted about everything from religion to soy milk. And he's Jewish! I've never gone out with anyone Jewish and I have always wanted to. He was nervous and chivalrous and just a bit dorky and very sweet.

We hung out again today. We got overpriced coffees and took a walk (he just moved to the area so he wanted me to show him around). It was a sweet Sunday afternoon date. We hugged when we parted ways, and then he asked if he could take me to dinner and I said yes.  [He just texted me to thank me for hanging out today. Awww.]

He’s doing everything right. My two reservations are that I can’t quite picture making out with him (it probably doesn't surprise you that sexual chemistry is hugely important to me now) and that he seems more boyfriend caliber than just a living human for me to practice conversation on and make out with. So, stay tuned.

And yes, David knows I’m divorced and still live with Max! Good sport, right?

Of course I’ll share how my real date with David goes, if that actually happens. I already know the outfit I’m going to wear!


Have you tried online dating since your divorce or breakup? Did it help you revive your dating skills?